Listen to the audio blog version of this:
Do you ever feel not really seen, heard, or valued in your relationship? If so it could be that you have what I call "squashed voice syndrome" (I did and recovered, but still occasionally relapse!). It's so common, especially for the sensitive among us.
"Squashed Voice Syndrome" ( okay, I made that up) is when you don't really deep down know what you want or need, when you override your true "inner knowing". Which leads to all sorts of problems in your relationship. Because knowing what you authentically want and need is essential for a genuinely intimate relationship (and for feeling loved for who you actually are).
In the video below I dive into this topic. (You may prefer to listen to the audio version instead of watching the video. If so, listen above.)
In it I explain where "squashed voice syndrome" comes from, what the symptoms are, and how to get "un-squashed", so you can trust yourself, feel more confident and happier, take better care of yourself, let yourself be seen, communicate effectively with your partner, and be valued for who you are:
To summarize 5 of the relationship problems that can show up when you have "squashed voice syndrome":
#1: Frequently going along with what the other person wants but then, over time, feeling a growing resentment that you are always the “giver” or the one to accommodate the other‘s wishes. You end up unsatisfied and unhappy. It also leads to the “suffering in quiet until you explode syndrome”.
#2: Expecting your partner to naturally know how to make you feel good, and being really disappointed when he doesn't thrive at it, which can lead to you believe that he isn't the man for you or that there is something wrong with him as a lover/partner. (The truth is your significant other cannot read your mind-especially if you cant!)
#3: Not having healthy boundaries or good self-care. You may not take the space to just rest or do something for yourself, because you don't even know what you want or need. This leads to burn out, depletion, and annoyance (and the whole cascade of guilty messy feelings that go along with acting cranky).
#4. It leads to a lot of indecision in life and love. Think: the never ending debate of what to do, whether to stay or go, whether to go on that vacation or not, so on and so forth, and all the energy sapping that entails. Such confusion and ongoing debate can really dry out a relationship.
#5. Feeling like you aren't really seen or valued, feeling misunderstood. Its pretty hard to feel loved and seen for who you really are by your partner when you don't even know what you want or need ...and therefore don't really show who you really are.You will never feel fulfilled in love if you don't know yourself.
The solution to all of these problems is to get in touch with your real authentic deep down wants and needs.To know how to hear your own true essential voice/Inner wisdom.
To do so, I advise digging into the 3 Essential Steps to a More Loving Relationship (even when you feel irritable, resentful, or disconnected). It teaches you how to regain the ability to know your true desires and needs. If you need another copy you can grab it by scrolling waaaay down to the bottom of this page!).
I will be sending some further tips in a separate email about how to communicate to your partner your newly understood wants and needs. Look for that soon.
Because this is how you begin to feel seen, heard and understood. Which we all want. The essence of feeling loved is to feel acknowledged for who you really are. And we get there only by acknowledging and seeing our own self. Make sure to watch the video or listen to the audio to really understand what I am talking about (it will take 12 minutes).
So, does "squashed voice syndrome" sound like its found it's way into your life and relationship at all? What's that look like in your case? Tell me below in the comments!