If you want a sense of more empathy or more feeling seen by your partner, or you want more help around the house, or you wish your spouse would be generally more affectionate with you, or show you his care more often—I want that for you, too!
And if your partner isn't great at doing those things right now, then you’ve got to advocate for them if you’re serious about getting them.
But, what most Highly Sensitive People get wrong about advocating for what they want in relationships is either not self-advocating at all, or more likely, not advocating effectively for what they want. I don't want that to be you. So read on.
Most people go about trying to get what they want backwards. Not surprising, since we hear all sorts of messages that tell us to “Stick up for yourself”. “Get what's yours”. “Make him see what you deserve”.
But notice the energetic aggression behind these messages?
I bet when you stop and think about it, you know that aggression is not how we inspire devoted loving attention in intimate relationships. It’s not the recipe to motivate your partner to want to support you in the ways you most want to be supported.
Deep down you know this, because you are an intuitive, attuned, sensitive being. But it's so easy to get sucked into the dominant cultural messaging.
Everyday, I see what happens when women follow it: they approach their partner out of anger, out of hurt, out of frustration and disappointment in him,
They say things like, “You don't ever listen to me!”, or “ How could you speak to me that way?” or “You can’t seem to figure out how to keep our house tidy!”.
And their partner doesn't take it well. He gets defensive, as if he's putting up a wall of anger or coldness. And the words just seem to bounce off of him, with no impact. Affecting no change, no progress. Except more hurt. More disconnection.
If this sounds familiar, it’s not something to feel bad about. It’s hard not to fall into this trap in our modern relationships. But what if you could learn how to do it differently from now on? To advocate EFFECTIVELY for what you want?
When you drop the hardened energy of aggression, of anger, of frustration, (which so often comes from protecting a hurting heart), and step into the energy of more softness (which looks like acceptance, vulnerability, connection, compassion or love), you will communicate what you want in a totally different way, in a way that generates safety and connection, making it 1000 times more likely you’ll be met with receptivity.
Making it 1000x more likely that your partner will really HEAR what you are saying.
Making it 1000x more likely they will actually WANT to give you more empathy, pick up around the house, or give you those spontaneous hugs and compliments.
This is why the first work to effectively advocate for what you want is to learn how to put an end to that hurt and frustration you feel so often. In other words, to stop taking things your partner says or does personally.
It's from here that you'll be able to GET way more of what you want from your significant other. And feel that support and connection you yearn for.
You can develop these foundational skills starting TODAY by taking the Stop Taking It So Personally Course. You'll become one the few women who can successfully advocate for what you want in your relationship.
After all, isn't that what it means to truly stand up for yourself? To take a stand for what you want in a way that actually works?!! Join now and get started right away.
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